Day 7, nighttime - Battle of the Bands

[kentucky_mcgiygas]

[ Are you ready to give the performance of a lifetime? No? Too bad. ]

Comments

MAC CAN'T DO KARATE

[godhole]

[Dennis, Dee, and Charlie are dressed up in their best glam rock getups, Charlie sitting behind a keyboard. Dennis has gone all-out with a David Bowie vibe, all gold and glitter and lightning bolts, and he caresses the microphone in a way that cannot be interpreted as platonic.]

We are Mac Can't Do Karate, and this song goes out to Frank, our respectively non- and probably-biological father. Hit it, Charlie.

[thedayman]

You got it!

[Charlie has likewise allowed Dennis to dress him in some definitely cool glam rock get up. He lays into the keyboard as dramatically as possible, kicking a leg up because that's cool right? Right??? At least he's legitimately good at playing the keyboard in spite of the getup and theatrics.]

[laterboners]

[Knowing how to play no musical instruments at all, Dee has naturally chosen the drums which allows her to be loud if not good. Like the others, she's dressed in all big hair and glam. She does what is something like a drum roll, but mostly not at all like that.]

[godhole]

[Dennis starts to sing:]

♪ Night has fallen on a man who's crawlin'
The moon is out, whoa-ho-ho-hoooaaaah
Now who's left to pay the troll toll?
Why'd that dickhead have to goooo-oo-oooh?

[thedayman]

[Charlie chimes in for the next verse:]

♪Frank! Your time was cut too short
Maybe because you were such a sinner
But me, I know you, I was your cohort
And I know the truth—you were a winner~

[laterboners]

[as the song goes on, Dee looks unconvinced and clearly is not 100% on board - when it comes to her line she is clearly just improvising instead of whatever line she was supposed to sing:]

♪ Actually, he wasn't a winner
He smelled weird usually and
May have actually been the devil
Also, Mac is a tool for joining
A different baaaaaaaand ♪

[godhole]

[Dennis sighs loudly at this breaking of script, but he's not going to not respond to it:]

♪ We can all agree that Mac is a tool
And Frank was Satan, but are you a fool?
Concentrate on trying
To not be dying
You noisy bird ♪

[thedayman]

[Charlie continues playing but turns to glare over his shoulder at Dee. As the only member of the band with actual talent this doesn't actually hurt his music any.]

♪ You dumb ostrich bitch, I told you!
Don't talk ill of the dead!
Or you'll be cursed and get us too
So shut your face or I'll bury your head!

[laterboners]

[Dee is just banging angrily on the drums while 'singing' her reply]

♪ Curses are stupid, Charlie!
And it's not 'talking ill'
If it's all true
AND I'M NOT A BIRD♪

[Banging a few more times for good measure]

[godhole]

[Not even trying to keep the tune anymore:]

♪ If you two don't quit screwing around, I will peel your skin and make a suit, like if Buffalo Bill wanted to be an idiot instead of a womaaan ♪

[thedayman]

[Charlie changes the tune to something out of the soundtrack to a horror movie to match Dennis's weird addition.]

♪ Well Dennis tell your sister
To shut her dumb face hole
Before I slap her face off
For talking shit about Frank! ♪

[laterboners]

[ while the others sing, Dee has just been trying to drown them out with off-beat, super-loud drumming. she's standing now, too]

♪Tell me yourself, dickbag! Then I can shove this drumstick in your goddamn eye!♪

[godhole]

[straight-up shouting now]

♪ This is stupid and I hate both of you so much! ♪

[thedayman]

[Charlie starts smashing discordant notes on the keyboard.]

♪ If you assholes are going to ruin my song I'll do my own!

Spiders! Spiders! Spiders crawling over me!

[laterboners]

[mocking Charlie, not even sort of singing now]

Spiders! Spiders! Spiders! AHHHH!

[ just screaming and banging right up until she is too annoyed to even pretend and just throws the drumsticks and kicks the base drum over before storming off ]

[godhole]

[ kicks over the microphone and storms off in the opposite direction as Dee, shouting ]

Idiots! I'm surrounded by idiots!!

[thedayman]

[Charlie, meanwhile, continues his "song"]

♪ Spiders! Spiders! Spiders are my only real FRIENDS!! ♪