the_newlydead_game

Lotus said what?!

[ Santa's eyes flash anger. ]

Why the hell would it be because of me? I'd tell her to save you before anything else!

[ He pauses at the rest and deflates, sighing. ]

You have a right to be mad at me right now. I'm sorry. I'm upset about Ene too, if that helps. I didn't think I would be, but I am. In the end, she was a good girl.

[Mary stands a little straighter.]

I remember. Lotus said you said she couldn't vote for me, and tried to make Niles do it instead. She said you said he'd have to. He didn't.

[She knew Lotus was lying then, and didn't think for a moment she'd been so central in their discussions herself—Lotus simply didn't want to vote for her. That was all there is to it. Even so—she's angry. She's angry over all of it.]

Simon voted for me because Link died. If he didn't, I would have.

[...]

It wasn't just in the end. She was always good.

What the fuck? Lotus was a bitch!

[ He's so angry about this and so sincere about his anger that he forgets not to swear around the little kid. Sorry, Mary. ]

If I'd been here, I would have stopped her. I'm sorry that happened.

[like the swearing is the worst of what's happened to her in the past twenty-four hours???]

It did happen, though. Ene dying happened, too.

[There's so much indignance over Lotus's actions, and none for what's happened to Ene. Defense for this, anger for that; one thing is mourned, another ignored. Mary only so recently learned about friendship, about fury. One word and feeling at a time, Mary is reevaluating where her trust belongs.]

Are you mad that Lotus is in the hotel, too?

Not really. There's reasons to believe she's safer there. More and more reasons with each passing moment.

But you're not concerned with that, are you? You want to know if I hate her.

No. [This is the truth; as is, Mary doesn't care about whether or not Santa hates Lotus.]

Lotus is safe, and you aren't mad she's gone. Niles is safe, and you're mad he's gone.

[...

Mary's voice comes softer.]

I'm trying to understand.

[Friendship, fury, feelings. They all felt like a shiny new toy when she first discovered them, lovely and new, but now she's noticing the cracks and scratches and fingerprint smudges.]

I don't know how to tell you.

[ He pauses, then sighs. ]

Phrase it in the form of a question. Ask me "why is Niles more important than Lotus". The truth serum will help me tell you.

[That question makes Mary's fists clench tight around her markers again. If Niles is more important than Lotus, is he more important than Ene, too? Is that why no one is mad? Is that why a threat against one friend after the death of another doesn't mean as much as separation?

The shiny new toy feels dirty and dented.

She pauses a moment.]

Why is it bad for Niles to be safe in the hotel, but good for Lotus to be safe in the hotel?

Because Lotus is a danger to herself with the way she acts and the way she is. Because Lotus wasn't going to survive much longer here no matter what she did. Because Lotus was making herself into a lightning rod. Because Lotus made me enemies, even if she apologized for it and was clearly going to continue to do so.

[ Santa looks down at his feet as he answers. He doesn't really want to be giving this answer. But Mary deserves to be hearing something. ]

Because Niles is an asset who ensured the survival of an emotional pillar of the community. Because Niles knows how to protect himself and others and how to take down a threat. Because Niles was keeping someone alive that I want to see survive.

[ He bites his tongue now, but it doesn't work, and the rest comes out anyway. ]

Because Lotus isn't the one I fell for.

[listen. buddy. mary is trying so hard to be serious here but like

what the FUCK are you talking about

she gets the general gist of that first bit: Lotus caused trouble, Lotus caused trouble for Santa, but he doesn't hate her, so she's better off somewhere safe. But Mary would hate someone who would do that to her, she thinks, and still doesn't understand.]

What's...an asset? An...emotional...pillar..?

[please santa she's nine]

If he could protect people, why did so many people die? Why did he make a threat?

[...]

If he made you fall down, why are you mad?

[this was going to be a serious thread but i cannot justify mary being able to parse all of these metaphors all at once i just can't]

Okay, let me start over.

[ oh boy this is fun ]

Lotus made enemies. People didn't like Lotus. Lotus didn't like Lotus. She's safer where nobody can take that out on her.

Niles knew how to protect people. Even if he's dangerous, he knew how to protect people. That's worth something.

He didn't make me fall down. I thought he was cute and nice and I liked kissing him.

Do you understand now?

[ HE LIKED NILES' COOTIES OKAY ]

Edited 2017-05-29 02:37 (UTC)

...

No.

[this time it's in a way where she's judging him though :/]

People died a lot. He didn't do a very good job protecting them.

[children are so judgmental. she's judging.]

He can't protect everyone. And he couldn't protect himself. That's why he ended up in the hotel, you see?

It's not the same!

[Now she's mad, volume raising, voice sharp and hot.]

Dying's not the same as them going to the hotel! Everyone kept saying it was safe and good! If he can't protect himself and he goes the hotel, that's not the same as not protecting someone and they die!

[There's a hollowness to how she says it. There are people who have said they would protect her here, but she would think they failed if she went to the hotel.

She isn't lying, but she isn't telling the truth.]

So why is threatening to make someone else die okay?! Why is Ene dying okay?!

[Lotus is in the hotel. The creature with fire on his face is in the hotel. Simon isn't, Ronove isn't, Ib isn't, Ene isn't. Mary had gotten used to the warmth and light in friendship just as Ene was taken away from her and she doesn't know how to process the loss except through anger; for a girl never allowed feelings that weren't the crushing misery of loneliness, anger is easy, anger is energetic and loud and comes to her in a way she can keep, in a way that doesn't pull her down and down like the fear of being alone will if she lets it.

She will be alone in the hotel. The chance to keep the glow of having so many people who care for her will be lost if she goes to the hotel. If her friends die again, are taken away from her, she will be alone. But how can anybody compare having to wait for their reunion to one Mary will never have?

She's going to make an effort to storm past Santa now, no destination decided except away.]

There's something nobody is telling you about Ene, Mary! Because they think you're too small to hear it!

[ Santa isn't sure whether it's good to tell her or not. It's wreck her innocence. It might get him hurt. But she needs to understand, and he knows how important that is. ]

[Oh, well, that gets her attention. It isn't that the anger dissipates but it goes down, down, down, burns somewhere low where her fabricated heart could be. Something shuts down in Mary and her voice goes sharp and cold and low.

She knows what the truth serum means. She knows what she's doing when she asks:]

What is it that they won't tell me about Ene?

She was trying to die. She wanted it. She asked me to help her get there.

[ Santa knows this is dangerous from her voice. He backs up a few steps as he says it. ]

She asked me. She gave me last wishes. She told me what to do. She made sure we were both ready.

Edited 2017-05-29 04:45 (UTC)

[This is wrong. This is wrong.

Ene might have told Santa as much, she thinks, and so it is the truth to him, but Ene could have been lying, but why would she lie about that? Why would it be the truth? Ene said she would protect her. How can she protect her if she's dead? Why would she want that?

Smooth and sharp and icy cold, an eye of the storm sort of calm:] What were you supposed to do? What were her last wishes? Why did she want it?

Her last wish was for me to protect you and Ib. I was supposed to help convince people not to vote for her. I couldn't do it. So she... did what she did for the hotel pass. [ He covers his face with a hand. ] And she ensured all by herself that nobody would vote for her. She worked all these schemes by herself to punish Lotus and hurt herself. She wanted it because she wanted to make sure you and Ib would live.

[There's a long, long while of silence. Ene wanted them to live, so she died. Ene wanted to keep them safe, so she died. Ene promised to protect her. She said, friends protect each other; she said, I won't let you get hurt; she said, I've got you; she said, I love you.

How can she do any of that if she's dead?

Mary's expression doesn't waver, stays steely and chill. Like a blade.

She walks away—does not storm or run or trudge. Simply leaves, icy calm.]

[ Santa watches her go. He's not stupid enough to pursue.

he mouths this as she goes:

I'm sorry. ]

Edited 2017-05-29 06:30 (UTC)

Day 11

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