Game 2, Day 3

[kentucky_mcgiygas]

[ Did everybody sleep well? At promptly 6 AM, or at least what the tablets proclaim to be 6 AM, Ronald bursts in with the morning announcements. ]

Good morning, kids! Today we have a fantastic new game for you to play, and we think you'll have a lot of fun! It's fun, it's a classic, iiiiiiiiit's



[ The feed switches off, but only for a second before flicking back on so Ronald can add: ]

Oh, by the way, Seven died trying to escape.

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Comments

[jinglebros]

Hey, don't handle it like that. [ He reaches out and adjusts Junpei's hold on the knife. ] There, better. Kinda make it twice the width of a fry.

[unexpectedboner]

[still uncertain and a little clumsy (but with more control than before the correction), he chops into long, wide strips]

Like this?

[jinglebros]

Yeah, that's good enough.

[ Santa gathers it all up and puts it in the skillet. ]

I'm not going to make it too spicy, you'd probably die with all you drank.

[ He actually sounds a bit apologetic for making him do that. Weird. ]

[unexpectedboner]

Kinda wish I'd eaten beforehand, but hindsight is 20/20.

[jinglebros]

At least you don't seem that drunk yet. You chopped okay, anyway.

[ Santa tries to start cooking but accidentally cranks the burner way too high without noticing. Good thing he hasn't put the skillet on yet.

CUTTHROAT KITCHEN: DRUNK EDITION ]

[unexpectedboner]

I wanna protest that I'm not some lame-o lightweight, but then I kinda sound like an alchie instead. Guess it doesn't cover up my lack of skill at cooking either way.

[just kinda watching the flames, that's how you're supposed to do it, right?]

So how's it turn from ingredients into food?

[jinglebros]

[Holy shit this is going to go so badly. Santa hisses when he goes to put the skillet on and nearly burns himself. He quickly turns the burner down. ] Holy shit you're supposed to watch for that! Come on!

[ Pause as he registers the question and his voice calms down. ]

You want me to explain it while I do it? I guess I can.

[unexpectedboner]

Watch for what? Isn't fire supposed to come out of a stove? I mean, that's how it goes when I do it.

[jinglebros]

...

Forget the dare. This is a cooking lesson now. Get in front of the stove.

[ He takes a step away so Junpei can take his place. ]

[unexpectedboner]

[gggoes to there?]

I do know how to turn on the stove. I've only burnt water once or twice.

[jinglebros]

Yeah, but what do you do after that? Tell me.

[ Stern. ]

[unexpectedboner]

Put food in the pot? Eventually it'll get hot and then you can eat it. Also you probably shouldn't wander off to play videogames partway through.

[jinglebros]

...you've gotten food poisoning before, haven't you.

[ Suspicious Santa is suspicious. He puts the skillet on the burner and then pokes Junpei in the side. ] See that flat utensil with the holes in it? Grab it.

[unexpectedboner]

Who hasn't gotten food poisoning before?

[grabs the spatula]

Okay, now what?

[jinglebros]

I'll give you that. I think I spent half of age nine with fucking food poisoning.

You're not usually supposed to use a spatula for this, you're supposed to flip the chicken by shaking the pan, but I won't make you do that. Use that flip all it when it's starting to golden brown on one side.

[unexpectedboner]

...How does shaking things flip them? It's not some snoring dude that can get up on his own.

[jinglebros]

[ Santa snorts out a laugh at that one. ]

It's because you're rolling it around in its own juices, then you do a flipping motion and it flips around.

[unexpectedboner]

Sounds messy.

[pokes at it a bit]

...How do I know if it's golden brown and not just brown-brown?

[jinglebros]

Brown-brown is too brown. You want it lighter than that.

[ Santa stares at the pan and then - ]

Okay, now go!

[unexpectedboner]

[moves the thing!]

[jinglebros]

Good! You might actually not poison yourself this time.

[unexpectedboner]

I just learned to stick to the pre-cooked chicken strips. They're pretty amazing!

[jinglebros]

Well, now you know how to do it yourself if you're ever stuck using donated food. Precooked is expensive.

[unexpectedboner]

So is having to go to the emergency room to get your stomach pumped. It evens out, or at least that's what my parents said.

[jinglebros]

Who goes to the emergency room for that? Use a few fingers and skip the thousands dollar bill.

[ Santa gives good medical advice! ]